he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
