I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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