I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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