i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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