How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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