I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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