Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
