so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
