did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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