i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
