Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
