margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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