Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
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hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
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The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
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