what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
