This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
