I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.