Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out