I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
