ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
