he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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