dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
