halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
tequila makes me forget i have legs
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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