I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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