I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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