I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am one with the molecules
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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