That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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