So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
and you fell through a lawn chair
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
