Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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