no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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