well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
So apparently I’m into choking now
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