Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
