Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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