Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
