so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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