Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i don't like sucking hair
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
