i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
