I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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