he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
