a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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