I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
