I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
