So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
