Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
