dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
