Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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