I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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