hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
