do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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