i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
if only i could text you this smell
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
