it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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