Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
this hospital has no fireball
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
