Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
