Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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