I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
