someone get that fucking seahorse.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
