Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
