she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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