Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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