I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
