I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
