It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
