was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
