Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
