So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
