wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
