his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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