This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
