The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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