that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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