so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Small penises have feelings too.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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