This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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