i love accidental penises.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
