I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm gonna have a badass scar
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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