Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
