Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
