i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
