do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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