I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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