I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
